Streaming Consciousness

First of all...I'm not even really sure that I'm back. I keep abandoning this blog. I do want to make some sort of concerted effort to get back to it...I think, in fact, that I NEED this; and I'll get to that. But, recently - and I'm not a huge follower of blogs, not on a regular basis, anyway - I responded to a request made by another blogger: She asked that people send to her posts from their blogs. She's essentially an atheist blogger, but...well, she's hard to characterize. But I felt some...I don't know, connection with her; like me, she's an atheist (and maybe I'm not even quite that; more of a questioner) looking for a religion. How many of those are there? So, I sent her THE POST; the one that's about the fateful day that changed my life; the 2 minutes that reverberate still. I've not really followed up on what - if, indeed, anything - that she did with the post (she was going, I think, to re-post those that "touched" her on her own blog). But I thought that I could perhaps use that as an ass-kick to get back to my own blog. And, truthfully, I've been somewhat intimidated by what I see out there on the Internet; I mean, some truly beautiful and thought-provoking blogs! How the hell do I fare amongst all of that? But then...I got even more frustrated with myself. Why should I allow that to daunt me? This thinking is akin to the way I used to feel about my husband: Me, married to a man with these intimidating degrees! An undergrad in engineering from one of the country's preeminent engineering institutions! And an MBA! But then I would think: Why NOT? I mean...why take vicarious validation from someone when I'm perfectly capable in my own right? So...I'm going to accept my own challenge and, instead of being daunted and feeling intimidated, well...I'm going to try daunting for a change.

One other thing, another motivator: Someone very special to me. This is a person with whom I am no longer in frequent contact, but who was so unreservedly a proponent of mine in many ways. She was one of the first people to whom I showed THAT POST...back before it was a blog post, when it was the "first chapter" of a someday-I-hope-to-write-a-memoir. She recently characterized herself as a "secret admirer" of this blog...and while I'll not be so self-involved as to say "this is for you", to HER, I will say, unequivocally, that her support and encouragement are so precious to me that they serve as inspiration and encouragement.