And I seriously am. First of all, thanks to Lemmy...who, I should disclose, is a real-world friend and not a virtual one. And thank you so much to everyone who commented...I appreciate the kind words of encouragement.
Well, I sort of owe this post to Lemmy, too...because he mentioned that it would make a worthy post, and probably some good commentary.
First, I should say that I am an orphan, have been one for some time - and this is notwithstanding the fact that I am squarely into middle-age. When my dad died, almost 15 years ago (my mother, at that point, had been dead for 9.5 years) I was 28, and I said something to someone about feeling like an orphan. This person - who STILL has two parents - said, "Oh, you're too old for that." HAH. I say, when your parents die, you're mentally 6 again, no kidding. I also am divorced, mentioned that earlier...and do not have custody of the kids. I often tell people that I don't have the kids because I'm a student and a full-time employee...although these things are true, it's NOT why I don't have the kids. I don't have them because of a spectacular fall from grace, during my minor-sometimes-major career as a drug addict. That predicated the divorce. And the custody arrangement. My ex and I have a decent relationship though, but not having the kids sucks, and hurts. I'm close with them and all that, but still feel like a failure. Well...to the point, I guess.
My mom died when I was 18; alcoholic cirrhosis, if anyone cares, and more proof that my family has a horrible history of addiction (she's one of many, many others). HER mom, however, lived a lot longer, although she was not mentally attending due to senile dementia. But: In her prime, my grandmother was a TRIP. And, several days ago, I was commenting about something to Lemmy, and that's what this was SUPPOSED to be about (I'm a digresser, notice that?). Okay, anyway...my mother's family was Irish and German...and they had the weirdest sayings. One of them...when they didn't like something, like some restaurant's food, was: "I wouldn't hit a dog in the ass with that." My sister and I find ourselves saying these things, perfectly seriously, and cracking up about them. Who says this stuff? And...what, if the food was good, you WOULD hit a dog in the ass with it? This is what I meant, in that first post, when I said "mental meanderings."
Thanks, again, for the WONDERFUL comments...and, please, tell me if your families had such crazinesses. Honestly, though...my sister and I laugh, and then, we cry. A lot. Our parents have been gone such a long time, and missed so much of our lives, and yet we still miss them - every day. And for my two kids...I try, as best I can, to keep them alive. They'll never know them, and oh, just wait: I've got some mother-in-law posts coming up...terrifying stuff, and I'm NOT kidding about that.
Damn. I never know how to end these things.